Over the years, parenting styles have changed quite dramatically. There are a lot of different techniques you can use these days and one of the most recent, which is fast gaining in popularity, is positive parenting.
You may have come across the term “positive parenting”, but do you know exactly what it is? If not, below you’ll discover everything you need to know about this relatively new parenting style.
Remember – how you decide to raise your child is ultimately your decision. It all comes down to personal preference and there is no right or wrong way to do it. So, if after reading more about positive parenting you decide it’s right for you that’s great, but if not, that’s fine too.
Understanding Positive Parenting
Positive parenting is a little different to the standard authoritative type of parenting many of us grew up with. Rather than focusing on punishing bad behavior, it instead revolves around encouraging positive behaviors.
It does this in numerous ways, but the main factor it takes into account is that our children’s voices should be heard. So, rather than shouting at your child when they do something wrong, instead you’d talk to them about it, listen to what they have to say and help them understand their actions.
Rather than following a set of guidelines or rules, positive parenting is instead more of a belief and a lifestyle change.
Why Is Positive Parenting Often Recommended?
There are a lot of experts who now embrace this style of parenting and there’s quite a few reasons why. It is said to:
- Strengthen the bond between parent and child
- It’s easier for children to understand
- It encourages communication
- It’s said to help children develop into happier, healthier adults
As you can see, those are some pretty compelling benefits positive parenting claims to provide. Of course, a lot of the benefits you’ll read about positive parenting come from those who are passionate about it (although that can be true for every parenting style.) Therefore, it can be difficult to come across unbiased advice.
Let’s take a closer look at the above benefits…
Strengthening The Parent/Child Bond – It’s said that positive parenting encourages secure attachment between both parent and child. This is what is largely thought to lead to healthier emotional development.
It’s said that secure attachment can help to build better resilience and have a positive effect on brain development. As your child will also feel like their voice matters, they’ll learn to trust you more and feel more comfortable to open up to you whenever they encounter a problem.
It’s Easier For Children to Understand – Perhaps one of the strongest arguments for positive parenting is the fact it’s easier for your child to understand.
It’s argued that biologically, children simply don’t have the capability to understand the many rules imposed upon them. So, when they do break the rules it may not be because they are trying to defy you, but because they simply don’t understand.
It Encourages Communication – One of the goals of positive parenting is to actually listen to your child. It also involves explaining behavior, rather than simply pointing it out. The conversations you have with your child therefore, can really help to develop their communication skills.
If they are better able to communicate, you’ll often find their behavior improves as they start to learn more about what is expected of them.
Helping Them To Develop Into Happier, Healthier Adults – There is some logic behind this suggested benefit. In the past, parents were extremely strict with their children. Spankings were a common occurrence and children wouldn’t dare to answer their parents back. It was largely a fear-based, authoritative parenting style and in many cases, it was shown to negatively affect how a child developed.
Children who grew up in an overly strict household are often less able to express their feelings, and they’re colder with their own children due to the lessons they were taught when they were young. Of course, this isn’t always the case, but there it definitely suggests a link between strict parenting and emotional development.
Positive parenting on the other hand, is thought to help with a child’s emotional development, showing them it’s ok to communicate their thoughts and feelings. It also helps them to feel safer and better connected to their parents.
So, these are the supposed benefits of positive parenting, but are there any downsides?
What Are The Arguments Against Positive Parenting?
Here at Kinacle, we’re passionate about providing the best possible, unbiased advice. Before deciding whether or not positive parenting is right for you, it’s a good idea to also be aware of the potential drawbacks. So, below we’ll look at the arguments some experts make against this popular style of modern parenting…
Positive Parenting Can Be Difficult To Grasp – Some parents are naturally well-suited to positive parenting styles. However, some do find it difficult figuring out how to correct bad behavior using positive parenting methods. After all, discipline and consequences are still an important part of positive parenting. It can be difficult knowing what boundaries to set and how it works. So, you will need to do a lot of research to understand exactly how to adopt a positive parenting style.
Bad Behavior Can Be Difficult To Deal With Quickly – As positive parenting involves a lot of trying to explore bad behavior rather than punishing it, you may find it takes longer to stop certain behaviors. Some children are naturally more rebellious than others and a gentle approach doesn’t always work. So, it can prove to be a lot more stressful and won’t necessarily have the desired results.
If Done Incorrectly, Children May Lack Guidance – If parents are a little too relaxed about boundaries, their children could grow up without any real sense of guidance. This means they will ultimately turn to their peers as role models. This isn’t always a good thing depending upon who those peers are.
Your Child May Find It Hard To Deal With Challenges – You do have to be careful with positive parenting to ensure you don’t overprotect or coddle your child too much. If you do, they could grow up finding it difficult to deal with the challenges presented to them.
These are the main potential arguments against positive parenting. However, it’s the same with any type of parenting – there are pros and cons to each different style. Remember, you can do everything right as a parent, but it doesn’t guarantee your child will grow up to always make the right decisions. There are so many things that can determine how a child develops.
All we as parents can do, is our best. Whether that’s via a more authoritative parenting style or a positive one.
Conclusion
Overall, positive parenting definitely has its advantages, with more research being presented constantly to back up the benefits it claims. It’s true that being too strict with a child can have negative consequences on their development, but then so too can being too lenient. So, it’s about finding the right balance and discovering the right type of parenting style to fit your own personality and beliefs.
Have you tried positive parenting? Did it work? Let us know your experiences below…
I think that this is true i can see the difference between myself and my sister in law she does the screaming at her son for the littles thing and he is a ball of fear i do the positive parenting and i have a very happy child i would recommend that screaming mommy’s and daddy’s try this method it will lower stress levels aswell
When I was a new mom with two toddler boys, I also tend to lose my temper at times and easily get angry with my boys, especially when they fight. There was one time I was so mad and gave both of them a spanking, but my father said I should be more patient and understanding. That made me think and I realized I was taking out my frustrations at them which is wrong. I became a gentle mom after that (although I still get mad at times when they do something really crazy) and right now, they consider me a cool mom, and we can talk about a lot of things even personal ones which I never experienced with my parents. So I guess I’m on the right track. But like any parent, I’m also hoping and praying that they will truly listen to my advice and grow up as responsible adults.
I agree with the benefits and disadvantages you’ve listed but I truly believe that the ”positive parenting” is the true future of parenting. In a couple of years, more and more parents will realize that this kind of parenting is much more beneficial for the child.
I’ve been practicing positive parenting ever since my boy was born (and will also do with the other one that’s still on the way). I found out about this term from a book that was given to me by one of my best friends. She thought that I’d find it interesting and I for sure did! It opened up a new perspective on parenting.
I love that it’s focused on communication because I’ve always said communication is the key to any good relationship, including the one with your child. It will only make the bond between you and your child stronger.
I do agree that it’s hard to learn and put into practice but once you get the hang of it, it is so much easier. Just stick with it, don’t lose motivation.
I agree with you, Jane. Communication is important in all kinds of relationships. Without it, things could go sour and misunderstandings would arise.
I am one who wants to be a friend to my kids, someone they can tell their problems to or someone they can easily talk to when they have problems. I want to know what they feel. I don’t want them to keep secrets from me, especially about issues that really matter so I often ask them about their day or what happened about things they’re involved in. I do my best to spend a few minutes with them to talk about how their day went even when I’m busy. If I can’t ask them on the same day, I make a mental note to ask them ASAP.
I have been practicing attachment parenting and positive parenting. I didn’t really go for the “parenting styles”, but these are what I really love to be as a parent. I believe connection is the main key, and I would love my children, myself and whole family to be happy, and that’s why I think positive parenting works well for us. Of course, there are still many times I get angry with my children and I might just yell at them, especially when things didn’t go well after several times, I always apologize to the children and we talk about it together. I think positive parenting does not mean we do not go wrong at all, but we are thriving to be the best parent we want to be. Moreover, positive parenting really benefits myself, as it helps to shape me to be a better me.
We are not perfect so there will still be times we would get angry and yell. The important thing is, when we become angry or scold them, it is important that we let them know why we are mad at them; we should let them know that we are angry at the wrong thing they did, not at them personally. I think this is important because a child tends to think we don’t love him/her if he is often the one who gets picked on as compared to his siblings.
I am a teen mom with a two year old little girl. I grew up in a strict household where discipline was always the answer for every small mistake. I was often yelled at and never given the opportunity to express my opinions because it was frowned upon. I grew up never being comfortable talking to my parents about problems in my life because I feared judgement and being punished. I began to confide in friends and was apart of many bad relationships. Even as an adult, I am very distant from my family and envy the relationship some of my friends have with their parents. After reading this article, I am very interested in trying this “positive parenting” method with my daughter because I do not want my daughter feel the way I did growing up. However, I do not have the slightest idea on how to implement this new interaction with a two year old. She is very “adventurous” and a bit rebellious already so I know we will be having many “talks” regarding bad behavior. Although she is only two years old, she is very smart and I think she may be more receptive to this approach. Hopefully everything goes well. This article was very eye opening.
We’re very glad you’ve stumbled on this article in time. It is not too late to change your parental approach because your daughter is ‘just ripe for the picking’ so to speak. You said she is very smart so I’m sure she’ll be able to grasp what you’ll tell her. Talk to her and explain things in a way she can easily understand.
Learn from your growing up days. If you didn’t have an open communication with your parents because they were strict, don’t do the same mistake. Pick up the positive things and learn from their mistakes.
Positive parenting the way I understand it is teaching the kids by not pressuring them, by not imposing strict rules and regulations which are beyond or impossible for them to follow, by holding hold-no-bar communication which encourages them to tell their problem open without feeling guilty or afraid.
Yes, that is true that the relationship between the parent and the child is edified for there is no fear. Kids are confident to tell their woes and worries for communication is open. As a result both the parent and the child experienced as you have said “happier, healtheir” way of life.
I very much agree with you, Nocturnal Writer. When we are not so strict with our kids and allow them to speak their mind, we allow them to open up because they know communication lines are open. When parents and their children are able to openly confide in each other, it will breed happier relationships.
In my opinion, what kind of parenting style you need to adopt depends on your child’s temperament. My sister has two kids. She is an authoritative parent. She makes her kids do what she wants, she orders, commands, even incites fear. However, her husband practices positive parenting. he listens to his children. Sometimes, when his son does not want him to go to office, he talks to his son and explains why he has to go to office. He may be late for office, but he takes time to explain. Interestingly, my nephew and nice respect theri mother more than theri father.
I guess when you said your sisters’ kids respect her more than their dad, it may be because they know they’ll get a spanking or be scolded if they don’t obey her. While with their dad, I guess they tend to be more relaxed around him because he is not strict like your sister.
Parents have different parenting styles, however, I would say despite the difference, they should agree about how to discipline their kids; they should have a united stand when any of their kids do something wrong, otherwise, they may grow up hardheaded if one parent defends a child when the mother or father tries to discipline him/her.
You may adopt any kind of parenting style, however, the most important point to consider is molding your child in to a responsible, disciplined, intelligent and morally right person. My parents practiced positive parenting style, they never set guidelines. My uncle and aunt practiced authoritative parenting. Parenting styles were different but the children are responsible, disciplined, intelligent and morally right individuals.
As a father, I can say that all of us should extend our patience to our kids because there are chances that as they grow up, newly things attracts their mind and decision. We cannot blame them due to the trending of our technology. We must guide them with consequences that they could understand the cause and effects on whatever things that will influence them. Hurting your kids is a big No! No! it brings traumatic experience that they going to carry until the rest of their lives. Honestly, I used teaching method to my children. Just like telling a story with lesson and at the end of it, they will smile and threw so many questions, good thing I was able to address their concerns.
True, xobe. Every parent needs to be very patient, otherwise, we could lose our temper and say or do something we’ll regret later. Yelling at them or spanking them frequently will not do the trick. This will only make them distance themselves from us. We should be able to create a relationship where we can openly communicate with them, and them with us.
Your method seems to be working since it does seem they are not afraid to communicate with you. Keep it up!
This is very effective way to balance everything for our kids. We cannot be too strict or the other way around . Understanding our kids more is like knowing them better. Tolerating of bad habits just to please them is making your own problem. At thier early age, yes means yes and no means no. Setting limits with proper explaination in accordance to the level of their understanding is so important.
You’re right. We should be able to balance our methods. We certainly cannot be too lenient with them if they did something wrong. We should be able to make them understand that their wrongdoing has a consequence. They should understand that they cannot do anything they want, there is a limit. On our part, we should be able to explain this to them in a way they would easily understand.
In this life, I’ve come to realize that nothing comes without the negative side of it as long as it comes with the positive benefits, so it’s left for the parents to decide the pattern with which they desire to raise up their young ones. Having looked at the benefits of positive parenting that are discussed in this article which includes ; Strengthen the bond between parent and child, It’s easier for children to understand, It encourages communication and It’s said to help children develop into happier, healthier adults. To the best of my knowledge, I do believe that any child raised this way, would certainly turn out good.
Good article. It’s nice to see both negatives and positives of positive parenting. I think it’s being touted too much as the ultimate solution but really isn’t the best for every family. Though the communication and warmth should be incorporated every time to build a better relationship.
I will only say one thing, when you refer to strict authoritave style, you’re actually talking about the authoritarian style of parenting. So in the beginning of your article when you point out the authoritave parenting style we were most raised in, that’s incorrect. Most of us were raised in an authoritarian style. And positive parenting does fit well into the authoritave model of parenting which is the preferred model of parenting.