When you are raising confident kids you’re not only contributing to balanced individuals but to the balance of society as a whole, since our society is born from the family nucleus.
A confident child is bound to be more of a successful person that will not only live a happier and more meaningful life, but better able to contribute to society in a positive manner.
On the contrary, an individual with low self-esteem is more prone to develop negative patterns going from low resilience, relationship troubles to even mental and/or physical abuse towards others. Thus the importance of raising confident children.
In this article we’ll discuss 5 steps to help you raise more confident kids, so they’ll have everything on their side to become more successful adults.
1. Start With Being A Confident Parent
Always keep in mind that children learn and retain more from what they see their parents do, rather they what their parents tell them.
Lip service has little to no effect on children. If they sense or observe that you are not confident yourself, chances are that it will be very difficult for you to teach them confidence. Do as I say, not as I do, doesn’t work with kids.
If you feel that you lack confidence yourself, start searching for ways to improve in this area. You could start reading self-help material, and work on your personal development through mental and even physical exercises known to improve confidence. Some parents have even considered consulting a life coach to help them in this area.
Ideally, it’s best to work on yourself before you become a parent, however, it’s never too late to work on your self-improvement to be able to raise more confident and balanced kids if you know that you are lacking in this area.
2. Make Your Kids Work
Making your kids do small tasks around the house can go a long way.
Some parents complain that their kids are not helping out around the house. They complain that they never clean their room, do the dishes or help to set the table. But such problems rarely come from the child. The responsibility to teach small house scores falls on the parents.
You can’t expect your kid to develop a taste for house chores if you haven’t taught them to do this from the time there were 3 years old.
Anything you want to teach your child starts very early.
If you teach your kids very early on to help around the house as a fun little game to play, not only will they do it with enthusiasm, but it will become very natural to them. That excellent habit will be ingrained in them forever.
By participating in small house chores at very young age, kids build confidence as they realize that they can accomplish adult tasks.
Making your kids do little work around the house not only boosts their confidence but also teach them the positive effects of a job well done.
3. Give Your Kids Responsibilities
As they’re getting older, give them tasks that they will be responsible for.
For example, if they want a pet, make sure they understand that they will have the responsibility to feed the pet when they are home. Create a schedule your kids will have to stick to, no matter what.
For example, each day after school it will be their responsibility to feed their pet. Make it clear to them that if they don’t do it, the pet won’t be fed, and explain to them the consequences that could result from that.
Teaching your kids to be responsible will give them a huge boost of self-confidence because it will teach them that they are valuable, and contributing to the world.
The more responsibilities they are used to handle the more confident your kids will become and that confidence will stick around until adulthood.
4. Stop Yelling
Yelling at your kids is probably one of the most destructive things you can do to your children, second only to hitting and abuse.
Some parents proudly say I don’t hit my kids, I just yell at them. But what they don’t understand is that yelling is almost as destructive as hitting because it’s still a form of aggression.
Would you yell at your co-workers? Would you yell at your employees? Would you yell at your massage therapist?
The point is that even today we still think that it’s OK to do to our own kids some things we would never do to anyone else.
A child that’s been yelled at a lot will put some internal ear plugs, so to speak, and most likely develop into a yeller himself as an adult. But most importantly, if you yell at your kids they will sense your own lack of confidence.
Confident people don’t yell.
You can’t raise a confident child by yelling at him.
The parent-children relationship is a relationship like any other relationships. At times, you are going to disagree, but you need to find a way to handle those disagreements in a calm, intelligent way.
Calm slow speech is ten times more powerful than yelling, and way more up-building.
5. Encourage Your Kids’ Creativity
A good way to encourage your kids’ creativity is by accepting their ideas.
For example, if a toddler who is setting the table decides to be a little creative in doing so, there is no immediate need to correct him. Instead, praise your child for his creative way of setting the table.
If they pour the flour jar on the kitchen floor, refrain from yelling and getting frantic about it. Instead, let them express themselves and hide the flour jar better next time. But as for now, the mess has been done anyway, so use it to teach your child that genuine mistakes are allowed.
Allowing your kids to make mistakes and be creative in their own ways will be a tremendous boost for their confidence.
Conclusion
By being a calm confident parent who understands the value of giving your children responsibilities and little work to do around the house from a very young age, while giving them some space and freedom to develop their creativity by making mistakes, you are going to raise strong confident kids.
The list doesn’t end here, and we’d love to hear your ideas on raising confident kids. Share your thoughts below using the comment form, because we could all benefit from hearing what you have to say!
Beautifully written. I think that all parents goal is to raise a confident and loving child but sadly, that doesn’t always help. We have so many kids and people in general, lacking confidence. I always thought that seeing a confident person is so nice and it’s like they have this special ”aura” around them that attracts others.
This is exactly why I am aiming to make my boy as confident as possible. I want him to not fear things and always think positively. I think a child confidence already starts showing at a young age – for example when he plays with other children and so on.
The most important tip that I’d give to parents as a mom myself is to be confident themselves! It’s really hard to raise a confident child if you aren’t a confident person yourself. Child mimics your actions/words/behavior and if you will radiate high self-esteem, I believe there’s much higher chance of the child doing the same.
Otherwise, you already summarized the rest. Don’t be afraid to give your kids some responsibilities and chores. It might seem pointless when they’re so young but trust me, it isn’t. It will definitely show.
Very good point there, Jane. It is truly important that parents also feel confident, whether as a person or as a parent, because kids could sense and observe it.
If one is not confident, it would be difficult to raise a child to become one because you yourself doesn’t know how to do it.
We have had a taste of these methods under my mother and that was years ago. She made us all work but there was always an incentive and we kind of competed with each other. It was fun and that pat on the back for a job well done was incentive enough not to talk of one extra sweet she gave. (lol)
It’s always good to give kids incentives for good work. Parents do need to be creative about how to delegate chores and get them done.
I was assigned chores/tasks at a young age so I know the value of hard work. Giving children responsibilities will also get rid of the lazy bones in their body. It’s for their own good anyway, because eventually, they’ll move out of the house so it’s important they know how to do things by themselves.
I am guessing this is my mistake…I’m yelling at my child sometimes. He was such a good and sweet little boy, but now he started to not to listen anymore. I don’t want to harm him in any way, I punish him to not use the PC or Tv, but he still wants to fight with me.
You are right, I will try not to yell at him anymore and make him more confident, Thanks, your blog is really useful for me!
My kids are grown up now. Not sure what our kids heard when we (my husband and I) opened our mouths. But if I was yelling, it was to be heard over all the noise they were making. 🙂 😀 As for the other 4 tips? Spot on!! Totally agree.
I always rush back every day to check new educating articles you wrote that I can learn a thing or two from and this is probably one of them. Honestly speaking, I suffered from my parents’ lack of confidence while training me for there are situations that I would have expected them to pull me closer and assure me that things are fine, but they always let me get better alone. I’ve been trying to regain my full confidence as an adult now and it has not been easy, but I promise not to give up.
My mom, in particular, is guilty of this yelling attitude that it always pisses me off that she can’t bring us down with a low tone to correct wherever we are making mistakes and with time the yelling got to that he too can yell at the slightest provocation at home which was really tough for a young kid like me then. You’ve really lifted my spirit with these five tips that went a long way to show me that my lack of confidence, as a kid, was not totally my fault then.
This is an article, that even though I’m 42 years, I can still learn something from as a parent.
I must make a confession :/ I’m a yeller. Yes, I know it’s horrible and I’ve definitely calmed it down over the years. I used to be the parent that you mentioned above…the parent that said, well I don’t hit my kids, I just yell. I realize and see the hurt and destruction that it can cause in a child and it’s something that I definitely have toned down and continue to work on everyday of my life.
This is a problem within myself and not a problem that should be pushed on to my kids. Therapy/counseling and self-help blog, forums and parenting sites, such as yours have helped me to keep overcoming this problem so that my children don’t suffer.
I didn’t write this comment to get any nasty feedback from anyone either. I wrote this because I agree that yelling causes unrepairable harm to kids and it’s something that I recognize and am dealing with myself. I can relate in some way is what I’m trying to get across.
Meditation and time alone helps us to look into ourselves and make improvements where needed. We all want healthy well rounded adults in the end that are able to be a HAPPY engaging part of society as you mentioned.
Thank you for keeping US grounded. 🙂
I’m really touched by this post, especially with the number 4 tip in stop yelling. This is one of the major areas African parents fail to understand that it’s a flaw in raising a kid. It’s now even like a culture to them to shout at their children at any slightest mistake they do.
This doesn’t helps a child development but rather it hinder it. Some kids are shy today with inferiority complex syndrome because of the yelling and cursing at they experienced from their parents. This is not a good way in training up one’s child, these kids don’t deserve such treatment.
Parents are the first teachers for kids. Kids will learn more from you than from anyone people. Kids will learn from your behavior, your thinking, your temperament. If you are angry always, the kids will learn anger. If you are happy, children will learn happiness. If you are confident, children will learn confidence.